No Other Way

There are dreams that I dream

that call to me

as if they are real

as if I could reach out and pluck

the flower from the garden,

yes.

There are hopes and desires

that wander though my heart

and call to my thoughts

beckoning to them

to follow along in yearning

yes.

There, too, are fears and insecurities

that lash out at my mind

that creep through my heart

and slither through my dreams

taunting and howling

yes.

I have been subject to them long enough.

The gates were wrenched open.

The walls were torn down.

The world was let in

and I was let out

and so

When I dream, I will call them dreams and let them go.

When I hope, I will call them hopes and let them go.

When I desire, I will call them desires and let them go.

When I fear, I will call them fears and let them go.

I have tried to hold

tried to cling

tried to subdue

and I have failed each time

so this

will be the way

When I love, I will call you love and let you go

I know no other way

Merry Christmas 2014

We get what we put out into the universe. It’s a good basic understanding that anyone can live by. Our actions, our thoughts, our judgements, our very energy is a circulating, spiraling, undulating dance that comes back around to us in it’s own unique way and in it’s own unique time. Life does not happen to us. We are active participants¬† in our lives- making choices, learning, trying, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding…but always choosing. Every moment, every breath, every thought is an opportunity to be present, to be participatory, to be a beacon of love and compassion, to be better than we were just a moment ago.

It sounds beautiful. It sounds easy. In truth it is not at all easy but it is incredibly beautiful. There are things we must all learn to accept about ourselves. Not any one of us is perfect. We have all made poor choices. We have all acted in ways in which we could have been better. Every single one of us has failed at something, in some way, at some point. What matters is that we learn and that we continue to try and that we do so from a place of such love and such compassion and such grace that even in our failings we celebrate.

Our human lives are but a blink in the cosmos. Our lives, our stories- we like to think of ourselves as so powerful but truly we are but a rain drop in a vast ocean and as delicate as the wing of a butterfly. With that knowledge, with that recognition everything becomes something to be cherished. Every life, every breath, every sunrise, every glimmering bit of starlight is something to be seen as divine, something to be experienced and treasured.

Tonight, on Christmas Eve, I think this is what every religion- what every prophet, every mystic, every messenger of the divine has tried to convince people of: Every life, every moment…all of it…is valuable, is to be experienced, is an opportunity to see- to feel that connection to the expansive love that is the supreme spiritual entity- divine universal love. To think that any life, any race, any culture is better or worse, is more wrong or more right, is more or less valuable than another is a step backwards away from that love.

May we all be blessed. May we all be present. May we all be loved and be love.

Merry Christmas

Surrender

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I cannot speak

My words are agony

Nothing I can say can mend what’s broken

I am the storm

The destruction

And the siren singing

Only to drown those foolish enough to be tempted

I cannot breathe

The air is too thick in my lungs

I will drown by my own doing

Not quickly enough for my liking

I am the shadows

The whisper that beckons

Only to wound those blind enough to come hither

I cannot rest

My mind is tumultuous

Ego sits upon the judge’s bench

The verdict is swift and without mercy, rightly so

And so I write

With ache and blood

With fear and trepidation

My pen is all that is left that is familiar

Once the words are gone there is silence

And I am alone, on a path no longer familiar,

Under the new moon shrouded in darkness

Barefoot and bereft of my walls and sentries

I will gather the stones beneath my feet

I will sing my sentries back to life

I cannot

Live

Without them

If I do

Then I must feel this wholly

And I cannot

I am too meek too small too afraid

If I do

Then I must live this completely

I am too naive

I shall be devoured

I will lie down, I will not struggle

There is no sense in struggling

It is well deserved

I surrender

To it

All

Dare to Feel

foxes nuzzling

Whisper my name

I will hear you

Hold my image in your mind

and I will feel you

Time is nothing

when I have l a thousand lifetimes to love you

Distance is nothing

when you are a piece of my soul

Dare to feel

all that you feel

Dare to whisper to me

in the quiet hours before dawn

all the words that are too tender for the day

I will hear them in my dreams

and smile

Transformation

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There is beauty in endings

Just as there is beauty in death

The ancient wild in all of us,

if we have not forgotten,

knows this is true.

When the supple green leaves of spring

color and darken and fall from their boughs

it is the death of spring,

but the birth of autumn.

The old leaves make way for the new tender buds

who, even in their death,

 exude beauty-

streaked with color

and increasingly delicate.

No one knows,

the leaf never tells

whether or not it is painful to age and color

and fall from the tree

Whether or not there was ever any fear

in where it would fall.

But to look at the ground

littered with fragile beauty

remnants of spring and new life

ambassadors of the coming dark stillness of winter

I choose to believe

that the pain, if there is any, is brief

and that the transformation

the letting go

is full of

LOVE

I will be held

as the earth holds the sunset colored leaves

Cradled through my transformation

Welcomed by the universe

with a resounding

yes

I am Awake

I have been asleep for a thousand years, and now my eyes are open.

When I closed my eyes and fell into my slumber the world was grey with only hints of color

and quiet with faint and lonely strains of music.

But now, the world is brilliant, bathed in light and color; bathed in life and love and beauty.

Music bursts forth- ecstatic, harmonious and rhythmic- my heart beat mirrors the deep and earthy beat of the drum,

I have no choice but to dance- my soul demands it.

A gentle breath at the nape of my neck, it is the wind urging me forward.

I follow the curious wind.

A gentle warmth wrapped around me, it is the sun warming my soul.

I am warmed by the beautiful light.

A gentle tug on my hand, it is the moon pulling me down my path.

I am guided by the enchanting moon.

I choose this path

I am surrendered to this

ecstatic love